Cooking

[evilhippo]

So, in my various cooking adventures so far this year, I have learned to make (from scratch) bread, cakes, cookies, fishes, squid, various and sundry improv sushi, some pretty fantastic improv oven crisps, curry, lots of various "I don't feel like cooking" things like potato/cornchip/Dorito-breaded chicken fingers, pasta caseroles, roasts, mashed potatoes, kale soup, sweet potato soup... I'm pretty good with a grill, I managed to make pretentious cornish game hens for Thanksgiving, I rock at pumpkin pie... But tonight I was defeated. Tonight... I was defeated by hamburgers.

I cannot make hamburgers.

I cannot describe the shame of being defeated by hamburgers. I am sitting here, eating what is now kind of like hamburger helper over alphabet noodles. Because I could not get hamburgers to stay hamburgers. It's not bad, but... how can I not make hamburgers?! I mean, inept/lazy bachelors whose subsistence comes almost entirely from bags and cans can make hamburgers. Where did I go wrong?

... I think maybe I'll just sit here and be proud that I've been cooking for myself for well over six months and this is the first time I've resorted to hamburgers.

Omg I can't make hamburgers what is wrong with me?!


Er... hey guys look! The president hit his head on his helicopter! I'll just be over here... reevaluating my entire culinary existence.

Comments

[shichahn.livejournal.com]

What... what was wrong with them that caused you to admit defeat? D:

[zolac-no-miko.livejournal.com]

The greatest difficulty I had with it was that, because they were so thick, it's difficult to cook them all the way through, and I have to try not to cut them into pieces while I'm checking the middle.

...Not wishing to compound your fail today, that link doesn't go to the right article, but in fact goes to some article written in 2007. You want this one. ^_^

[lisiche.livejournal.com]

I'm going to be the lone crying member of the shame brigade simply because I mastered the art of the grill many a year ago. XD

[linen.livejournal.com]

Hamburgers are evil, I think. I know your defeat by their greasy hands and have experienced it personally. I cannot, for the life of me, make a good burger. And lord knows I've tried.

[edit] Oops, premature posting. (Don't they make a drug for that?)

Anyway. I've tried all the tricks in the book to making hamburgers the correct way - breadcrumbs, eggs, what have you, and while the meat always tastes delicious, they NEVER look like hamburgers. The size is all wrong and you have to put like three on a bun to feel like you're eating a proper burger. And then it just falls apart when you eat it.

Point being, I can make the best turkey soup in the world, but I cannot make a hamburger. I feel your pain.