Boredom and Frustration

Yeah, I think I'm going to sleep soon. Tonight's been a rather frustrating night for the past few hours, because I've been trying to comprehend Calculus. It's bothering me so much that I can't even spell the blasted name of the subject anymore. But I think at this point in the night, I should just go to sleep, and let myself dream about the stupid proofs and whatnot. We'll see how it feels in the morning. I should do alright... I've managed good grades on the past two tests, afterall. I should've known this would happen. I was reasonably laid back about all my classes this quarter, just to get a feel of how hard things would be, and now that I know I'm rediculously close to an A in a lot of my classes, I'm putting insane amounts of pressure on myself to do better. It's horrible, the way my mind works. Now I'm going to stress myself out in insane amounts here for the next four years. Darnit. Why did I have to do well? Grrr. So much work involved in doing well, sometimes it just doesn't seem worth it.

So, the fun part of tonight was going to see UT perform Cabaret. I've decided quite definitely that I need theatre back. Need it desperately. I think if I can get away with it, spring quarter I'll audition for something, and if I make it, I'll quit track. I mean, they have to understand, don't they? That I'd rather waste my time doing something I love doing rather than something I'm merely obligated and sort of forced to do. I've got to have some creative outlet in this fun-forsaken school, non? And I've also decided that I love the people involved in UT. They're just... cooler. But that could just be my constant fascination with theatre people. Oh dear goodness I miss my drama club! GAH! Withdrawl! I feel like I'd be far more likely to find my (desperately) needed base of friends here. I just haven't found any good friends yet. It's a shame I'm going to have to wait so long to see some of my high school friends when I get back, too. I fear winter break is going to go far too quickly. At least at the end, and that's the part that matters. Plus I just found out today that I won't get to see my dear San Franciso Art-Schooler until this summer. Well, unless I manage to talk her into visiting me on her way back. Which would be excellent. Even though my friends here would not approve of her at all. But then again, having them not approve of her at all would be a great thing for me, I think. Because I don't approve of some of them. Nya! Take that, hyper-critical people! I'll teach you to insult sketchyheart's artwork! Grrrrness! I'll also teach you to call her a him again and again, even when I correct you! And... and.. grrrrrrr.

I can't wait to get home where I can be silly-sarcastic like I like to be, and not be constantly challenged about my mostly-nontrue, obviously lying statements that people here just don't seem to understand, for some reason.

Winding Down..

Well, I managed to struggle through my Calc final today. I only really screwed up one question, I think... And I really should've known how to do it. I'm pretty sure all the parts to the proof were written down on my paper, but I just couldn't remember how they worked. On the other hand, I do believe I have mastered proof by induction, and I actually understood the Mean Value Theorem question. So hopefully I didn't make any stupid mistakes, and I should be OK. Afterall, it seemed like the rest of the class wasn't having a whole lot of fun with the test, either. So now all I have to do is review a bit for my French finals tomorrow, and write at the very least an outline for my final hum paper. I'd really like to get more than that done, but it all depends on the state of my motivation by like, 3 today. I certainly don't plan on doing anything before then. I need time to recover.

Huh.. my roomie is still sound asleep above me. Most of the people that went out to bar night last night are still sound asleep, though I could swear my roomie got in last night at like 2 and went to bed. Maybe I was hallucinating. I was rather tired. And stressed. But I'm not going to worry nearly as much about my French finals, because I think I'm sufficienly prepared. And I didn't mess up on the listening part too horribly. You know what I just realized? It would be aboso-freaking-lutely horrible to get a 4.0 this quarter. I must cross my fingers and hope for something around a 3.8. That I can deal with. If I get a 4.0, I will become obsessed with keeping it, and undoubtedly stress myself out completely. And probably force myself into some easier major. Though, there isn't a major much easier than "oh, I don't know.."

( The Lovely 80s )

Vertigo-go

Why? Why is this blasted movie so tedious! It's like, an hour longer than it should be. I want it to be over. Darnit. Stupid Hitchcock. Grrr

Hmmm..

Stuyding never stops. Never. Except of course, after tomorrow. At which point I'll be done with studying until winter quarter. Yaay! It's so nice not to have some giant paper to write over Christmas or something like I usually had in high school. I actually kind of look forward to working again this winter... it couldn't be that bad. And I need the money... badly. Woo.

Ahh, I just want to get through tomorrow and go hooome!

I've learned a lesson today about waiting to buy tickets. Yes, another one. In Chicago, I should never ever wait until the last minute to buy concert tickets, because things actually sell out here. It's insane. All the TMBG shows this weekend here are sold out. But that pretty much saves me the trouble of the decision of whether I want to go or not, and gives me plenty of time to pack things properly. Hopefully I won't forget anything terribly important. Though, I don't know what it would be that I would forget.. I mean, I've only got two pairs of blue jeans now (the washers here beat the crap out of my stuff!). I think as long as I don't accidentally leave my computer behind, I ought to be alright. And I'll have to be exceedingly stupid to leave this behind, sine my Hum essay's going to be on it, and I plan on writing it on the train. Which ought to be fun (and coherant!). Yaaay train rides at insane late times. I imagine leaving early means I'll be able to find people that will at least wait for the bus with me, though. It's sort of hard to get mugged on a bus.

Oh, so tired. Still don't have a list of books to read this winter. Huh. Well, I guess I'll just start with the rest of the Republic, and go from there. I'm sure I'll eventually come across something at the library.