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Well.. OK... it's Harper day again. It would be pleasant in here if I wasn't so freakin' paranoid. I always feel like the guy at the table behind me is secretly watching what I'm doing online, and being judgemental. And now I feel like I guy that just came over and sat down across from me is going to be annoyed by my typing, because I wasn't doing it when he sat down. Gosh DARNIT why am I so paranoid? I am also lazy... because now I just don't want to deal with trying to write an e-mail to my TA. I don't want to have to aruge with him, and I keep imagining all these bizarre justifications he could have for not changing his mind about my paper, and I know I'm not good enough at making my point to argue with him. Stupid, stupid school. I want to go home so badly right now, and just hope against hope that next quarter is better. It's 9th week now.. I've got another two weeks here. I think it's fair to say that no matter what happens in the next two weeks, this quarter will still have sucked, and sucked horribly more than any other period of nine weeks ever has. Not only was I sick every weekend for about five weeks in the middle, and run down constantly in track, the work was frustrating and just never stopped. I'm sick of it. I want to go home. If I could just give up now and go home, I would (but I'm already ashamed enough of my GPA here, I don't need to make it any worse). I am embarassed that I can't do any better than this. What is wrong with me?? I remember in high school, at the end of finals and stuff when it was the end of the grading period, I just wanted to take a week long nap, but it was never, EVER like this. I don't know... I think at home I was actually eating properly and I had some degree of freedom to my day, and I could watch TV and stuff. I mean, my life here is nothing but work and track, dealing with strange people that are sometimes impossible to deal with, with basically nothing to do for leisure. Ok, so sometimes I sit down and write long rambling entries here like this one, but it really doesn't take that much time, and it's more of a catharsis thing than entertainment. There is no TV to watch unless I go downstairs to the TV room... and I'd have to do that alone, and hope that no one else showed up and wanted to watch something. True, I don't end up missing TV all that much, but dear goodness I can't remember the last time I watched something entertaining. Just random useless TV. I am not above that, really. This ridiculous academic cloistering is nothing but self-imposed misery. Actually... it isn't even entirely self-imposed outside of the fact that I am the one that chose to go here. I didn't think I'd have a whole lot of free time, but I also didn't think that I'd have so very little of it, and so few things to do with it at that. I mean, I am like, four miles south of a freakin' urban metropolis and there is NOTHING TO DO. What the heck? To go downtown, I have to pay about 4 dollars. There is nothing to do downtown unless you are about 21. Plus those sorts of things cost money. Darn freakin' music clubs. Shopping costs money. I might as well be going to a school in the middle of a cornfield (except sometimes if I walk out to the point, I do get to look at the skyline). Isn't college supposed to be fun? Didn't I swear I wouldn't have to look back on my high school years and say that they were the best times of my life? Because that would be really, really pathetic. I feel like there's nothing I can do about this, though. Goshdarnit.
So... ummm.. anyway. Today was a regular boring Wednesday. Lab was over by 11:30, so I got to sit around at lunch for an hour and a half before I went to drama, where we had a huge conversation about pretention and art... basically the underlying stuff behind every conversation we've had in there brought to the forefront. The funny thing was, the Sick Asian and I had had pretty much the same conversation Monday on the way back. Amusant, non? (Well, I thought so). I actually wanted to jump in and participate a few times, but people in that class can get really agressive, so I didn't get noticed. Heh, not that I had anything important to contribute anyway, as far as this school is concerned most of the time.
Now, to ramble some more a little more lightheartedly... FFX officially loses for being so pretty. I want to finish it now. Heh, not that Xenosaga isn't pretty. But you've got the whole "inside of spaceships" versus "tropical climates" sort of thing going on. It's not really fair at all. And the plot needs to freakin' start moving darnit, because I don't want to keep feeling motivated to play it all the time so I can get to the core conflict. Of course... you played Xenogears for quite awihle before the true conflict was established too... and even then it kept changing. But I can't even find a bad guy in this one! I mean... it's just the gnosis. What the heck? Need.more.plot.now.
Yup... I think all of this is getting thrown behind a cut now, too. So no one feels overly motivated to read it. Hehehe.
(As a quick side note, it's amazing how when I'm mad and frustrated I can churn out 2,200 words in a half hour, but I can't write a Hum paper in less than six.)
So... ummm.. anyway. Today was a regular boring Wednesday. Lab was over by 11:30, so I got to sit around at lunch for an hour and a half before I went to drama, where we had a huge conversation about pretention and art... basically the underlying stuff behind every conversation we've had in there brought to the forefront. The funny thing was, the Sick Asian and I had had pretty much the same conversation Monday on the way back. Amusant, non? (Well, I thought so). I actually wanted to jump in and participate a few times, but people in that class can get really agressive, so I didn't get noticed. Heh, not that I had anything important to contribute anyway, as far as this school is concerned most of the time.
Now, to ramble some more a little more lightheartedly... FFX officially loses for being so pretty. I want to finish it now. Heh, not that Xenosaga isn't pretty. But you've got the whole "inside of spaceships" versus "tropical climates" sort of thing going on. It's not really fair at all. And the plot needs to freakin' start moving darnit, because I don't want to keep feeling motivated to play it all the time so I can get to the core conflict. Of course... you played Xenogears for quite awihle before the true conflict was established too... and even then it kept changing. But I can't even find a bad guy in this one! I mean... it's just the gnosis. What the heck? Need.more.plot.now.
Yup... I think all of this is getting thrown behind a cut now, too. So no one feels overly motivated to read it. Hehehe.
(As a quick side note, it's amazing how when I'm mad and frustrated I can churn out 2,200 words in a half hour, but I can't write a Hum paper in less than six.)
