evilhippo | Fifty men on a dead man's chest...

All right, I know I'm going to start at the end and work backwards. Because that's what's lingering with me. Now, I knew going into this movie that it was the middle child of a trilogy. I have a tendency to like middle trilogy children. I don't know why. Two Towers is my favourite (of the books). I have a soft spot for Empire.

I'm also no longer going to pretend that I'm not a pretentious brat when it comes to my opinions about writing. Sorry.

So! I have a slight problem with a set of movies that starts out with a nice, self-contained and very entertaining story. And then in the next movie ends in a cliffhanger. And not even... I don't know. Just something about the way they chose to end it left me quite frustrated. It's a ballsy move on the writer's part, that much I'm certain of. The Black Pearl is gone, and most obviously, freaking Jack Sparrow is being digested by the freaking Kraken. That sets you up for a movie, a final movie in a trilogy, largely driven by characters that have fallen consistently well below most people's radars for I'll say at least half of it, if they want to maintain the sort of suspense they've set up. (Though it's clear that that suspense isn't really necessary, since the Kraken didn't even digest his freaking hat.) (Also, I'd like to add that the first time the word "Kraken" was uttered, I had to laugh, because the first thing to mind was the

omg_alchemist scavenger hunt and C!Envy.)

This also bothers me because my number one complaint about this movie (well, among other things) was that there wasn't as much Johnny Depp. I refuse, refuse to throw myself on his fangirl bandwagon. However, he carried the first movie. And this one tried to be far too democratic, and never gave him the chance. I realize this is probably a set-up so the final movie works better. Fine. But dude! Jack Sparrow is the best pirate ever. Will could easily be an emo boy, and though, yay, Elizabeth was not only occasionally a strong female character, but also still female (her little hissy fit was quite amusing)... not enough Jack. Or really, not enough proper Jack hijinks. He got himself into his own trouble, and got himself out of it. It was almost like he had his own separate plotline the entire time. In fact, he pretty much did. And Will and Elizabeth were on their own. And that separation, though it all tied together well, just didn't work for me.

Also... pacing. Yarrrr. It was too slow in parts. Entirely too slow. Partially because it was trying to follow all three characters at once. (Superman had pacing problems, too. What the heck, summer movies?) Once they were all in the same place on that island, though? It was wonderful. There weren't enough fight scenes, as far as I was concerned, but what there was was, well, pretty amazingly entertaining. An adventure movie just needs more of that (though we could've done with less of the bar fight. Yeah...) And I long ago gave up on watching for chinks in the armor of special effects. Davey Jones' crew was yay.

And just a tiny thing? Too many jokes were made by referencing the previous movie. "Why is the rum always gone?" stuck out like a sore thumb... which made me mad at the writer way too early in the movie (well, okay, indignant. Let a good joke go, or wait for a good spot. When it's not expected, or expected and still funny. The way "but why is the rum gone" follows everyone almost like, well, a tagline, you can't just... stuff it in there like that).

Now my complaining's going to far outweigh anything good I have to say about this movie, by sheer volume, but... well, all of this isn't to say I didn't like it. It wasn't as good as the first one, but the first one was unexpected and different, so there's a bit of letdown inherent in that. It's hard to write a new pirate story. (Which is why I can't get any farther on mine.) Also, I'll admit to cracking up when for some reason Jack Sparrow was using "shiny" in the beginning there. I didn't think that was a pirate work. I thought it was a Firefly word. ~~The only reason P!Hughes used it was Firefly. I have saved logs to prove it. Do you suppose they were sort of space pirates, and that's why?~~ (Actually, I'm going to be stuck up and self-referential for a moment here and go "Wow... I didn't realize I'd hit pirate that well." I'm rather proud of myself. I also feel incredibly derivative, though, considering the number of overlaps, so it all evens out. I'm properly humbled for not citing all my references in the depth they were mined. Hehe.)

Also, dude, it's Pirates. Overall, it was a fun movie. Great fight scenes, amusing action. Pirates. (I want to see ninjas in the next one. Alas.) If it had been a self-contained story like the first one, I'd be very happy. All the pacing problems, and my problems with the plot, link to the horrid To Be Continued. Which isn't even there. It's just implied. Gah. The next movie is going to start with Will, Elizabeth, some witchdoctor-type woman we just met, and the freaking Mutinous Former First Mate from the first movie sailing to the ends of the Earth to fetch Jack from the Kraken. If the writing's good? Wow. Otherwise? So. Doomed. And, as always, if the writing had impressed me more in this one, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. But just, like I did with the Harry Potter books, for the exact same reason, I am withholding my final judgement until the final installment. It all rests on that. Freaking series. (I've also got my predictions for how this is going to play out, but I've always got predictions. They can stay with me, though, for now. No need for this to be any longer.)

Things I can say out of the cut: Aside from a few problems I had with the writing (I'm never entirely happy with writing anymore, sigh), it was a fun movie. Sadly, I don't think I'd see it twice. But I don't get free movies anymore, so that might be part of it. It also makes me want to dress like a pirate more often. (More often would be any amount of dressing like a pirate. My wardrobe is already mainly ninja... ignoring the random bits of bright colour. It could do with a bit of pirate. Probably in the form of a hat. I could do with a pirate hat. Ooh, and pirate boots. That'd be awesome. I love those boots.)

P.S. On Trailers: For some reason, there was some level on which something about the Transformers trailer clicked with me, leaving me with a strong impression that it had something to do with Giant Robots long, long before it should have. Though somehow this manifested itself as a joking thought that it was a live-action Gundam movie. And for some reason, when it became apparent that it was in fact the Transformers movie, it just caused me to crack up. People were probably confused. But not quite as confused as they were when the Snakes on a Plane trailer came on and I went 'Oh YES! Snakes on a Plane!' long before it was apparent at all that it was SoaP. (I think I was the only one in the theatre with the proper background. Come on people. Don't you use the internet? I mentioned it to my mom in front of the usher, too, joking about missing the preview for it. No nod, no smile. Nothing. How can you work in a theatre and not know about Snakes on a Plane? Seriously.) And the trailer makes it look like a legit movie (unlike the internets trailer). I've already gotten more than ten dollars of entertainment out of just the idea of that movie, so I know I'm going to have to see it. It's only fair.

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