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I think the horrible soul-consuming boredom of last summer has made its full return. And I thought it was bad when my mom couldn't go anywhere because she was sick... holy cow. I have been nowhere but the theatre, the grocery store, and the mall pretty much the entire summer (Cinci is the only exception, I think). I'm totally lost for what I should do with myself right now. If no one gets up tomorrow morning with something to do, I think I'll go to the library and just randomly pick up books. I'm not even sure if I'll care what they're about at this point. Well.. yes I will. I'm very picky about the books I'll actually finish willingly. It doesn't take a whole lot to turn me off to a book. And I need to do something that doesn't involve hearing things in one language and reading another. This subtitle stuff is evil (not as evil as dubbing, though). What sucks is that I know exactly what would entertain me in my head, but it's sort of just trapped there. I can't write it down because I can't get all the detail. And I can't really do anything else with it, either... blasted evil imagination, caging itself like this. Though I should really buckle down and let myself write down my new story idea, since I know I'm going to kill it dead if I don't do something with it soon. Poor thing.
OK... I'm going to have to start doing this for myself again... tomorrow I need to find myself something to read. I need to start writing my random story (I'm saying screw it to the style issues now, because when I try to write any other way it sounds insanely corny. I think what I needed was a premise that actually lends itself to the rather sarcastic and unevenly-paced way I write. Reference back to Sidetrips... which will alas never be completed, but as far as I'm concerned at this point is still amusing so it's held up much better than a lot of other things I've written by myself. Why are there holes in all of my pants?) I need another character to fall in love with. All the awesome ones keep dying. Actually, I'm tempted to start my story off with this really awesome character that you'd think would be there for the entire story, and then kill him off really quickly. But I'd probably like him too much and not be able to kill him. I can kill off boring and evil characters pretty easily. What the heck was I talking about before this? Right... I'd go outside to read or something too, but it's been cold out lately. And right now cold is like, low 70s, because I've gotten used to upper 80s. I guess the first part of summer spoiled me. OK... and for some reason I've got this really depressed feeling about... well, not exactly going back to school this fall, but coming back home again this winter. I remember how horribly depressing it was, and I don't want to go through that again. But I know it will be twice as horrible to spend Christmas by myself in Chicago, and I've got no idea why this is bothering me now. Probably because it won't have time to bother me during the school year because I'll be too busy trying to find amusing people to hang around with and getting some clingy people off of my back. Right-o.. howscome I can find a whole total of two awesome people out of like, 25ish total people working at the theatre but only one or two out of the ton at Chicago. Not to say that it lacks its own supply of moderately awesome people. I just feel like we don't have that nice little... Chicago's just too freaking pretentious sometimes, that's what it is. And that's the part I don't want to go back to. I think that's what I'm hoping I'll avoid in UT. Goodness I hope I can manage to get myself cast in something. I don't even really care what it is. And...heh... I know not many of my friends on the floor will come see me. And that doesn't bother me at all. Because it's not their thing. And they'd be tempted to offer me their opinion, which isn't very fun. I rather dislike opinions that are felt so much that they're truth to the believer. Stupid opinions.
I have totally derailed my own train of thought here. Why don't I want to go back to Chicago now? It's not like I want to stay here. I want to get out of here again... but I feel trapped the same way in Chicago. I need to find something I like to do. I never felt this trapped and confused in high school. Then again... look at how sheltered that was. Eep. So I guess dealing with this is part of "real life." Ha. Like that exists in the ivy towers.
Bitter. Sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore.
OK... I'm going to have to start doing this for myself again... tomorrow I need to find myself something to read. I need to start writing my random story (I'm saying screw it to the style issues now, because when I try to write any other way it sounds insanely corny. I think what I needed was a premise that actually lends itself to the rather sarcastic and unevenly-paced way I write. Reference back to Sidetrips... which will alas never be completed, but as far as I'm concerned at this point is still amusing so it's held up much better than a lot of other things I've written by myself. Why are there holes in all of my pants?) I need another character to fall in love with. All the awesome ones keep dying. Actually, I'm tempted to start my story off with this really awesome character that you'd think would be there for the entire story, and then kill him off really quickly. But I'd probably like him too much and not be able to kill him. I can kill off boring and evil characters pretty easily. What the heck was I talking about before this? Right... I'd go outside to read or something too, but it's been cold out lately. And right now cold is like, low 70s, because I've gotten used to upper 80s. I guess the first part of summer spoiled me. OK... and for some reason I've got this really depressed feeling about... well, not exactly going back to school this fall, but coming back home again this winter. I remember how horribly depressing it was, and I don't want to go through that again. But I know it will be twice as horrible to spend Christmas by myself in Chicago, and I've got no idea why this is bothering me now. Probably because it won't have time to bother me during the school year because I'll be too busy trying to find amusing people to hang around with and getting some clingy people off of my back. Right-o.. howscome I can find a whole total of two awesome people out of like, 25ish total people working at the theatre but only one or two out of the ton at Chicago. Not to say that it lacks its own supply of moderately awesome people. I just feel like we don't have that nice little... Chicago's just too freaking pretentious sometimes, that's what it is. And that's the part I don't want to go back to. I think that's what I'm hoping I'll avoid in UT. Goodness I hope I can manage to get myself cast in something. I don't even really care what it is. And...heh... I know not many of my friends on the floor will come see me. And that doesn't bother me at all. Because it's not their thing. And they'd be tempted to offer me their opinion, which isn't very fun. I rather dislike opinions that are felt so much that they're truth to the believer. Stupid opinions.
I have totally derailed my own train of thought here. Why don't I want to go back to Chicago now? It's not like I want to stay here. I want to get out of here again... but I feel trapped the same way in Chicago. I need to find something I like to do. I never felt this trapped and confused in high school. Then again... look at how sheltered that was. Eep. So I guess dealing with this is part of "real life." Ha. Like that exists in the ivy towers.
Bitter. Sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore.
