Saa? Pourquoi?

[evilhippo]

So. Freaking. Tired. And a little homesick... I haven't properly talked to anyone back home in ages. And things here are driving me nuts. It's been a rough week. I can't believe it's the end of 5th week already. And I have to give up almost half of my full two-day weekend to do CPR training tomorrow. Yuck. Ah well, I guess it shouldn't be that bad. Heck, I think I'm probably going to go to sleep in a little bit anyway. I just can't seem to deal with people today. I do have my antisocial days, afterall. It's unfortunate that sometimes people here take that sort of thing personally. But I can't help it. I do need time to myself every once in awhile... don't we all? I mean, normal people don't keep the door to their house wide open to visitors at all hours?

Hmph. Hehehe. At least I got a little bit of reading done. I hope training tomorrow doesn't drain me of my will to work on my papers. If worse comes to worse I can at least work on my PhiloSci paper, since that involes a bit less forcing myself to think academically and a bit more letting myself just have a bit of fun with things. I'm so sick of writing academic things. So sick of it. Heck, I'm sick of academics in general. Bunch of useless intellectual posturing. Gah. I just want this quarter to be over so I can go back home and sit down and figure things out. There just isn't enough time here. What I need to do is go back, sit down with a good fantasy book or somesuch, and really get into it. And then do some writing. And finish Xenosaga. And let my sister watch all the anime I've amassed here (I need to do something about this, it's starting to take up a pretty large portion of my hard drive. I think I've got upwards of 3 gigs of FMA on my computer now, and I want to kill Bittorrent for downloading so slowly). I guess Best Buy has CD-Rs on sale, and there is no shipping charge... it's terribly tempting, but I should really wait until my mom sends me money, because I'm terribly terribly low on cash right now. I wish my refund check would hurry up and get here, I'm down to less than 100 now. Which is pretty precarious. Especially considering I still owe for ACen, and I'm going to need money to spend there. And the weekend after that I have a guest to entertain (HOORAY!). Holy crap, I am so screwed if I don't get that check soon. My mom's supposed to be sending me money, but she owes me for not listening to me and cashing the check I gave her before they took the monthly fees out. Neep. It turned into a bit old mess, but it seems to be straightened out now, I think.

We ordered pizza in tonight. Tomorrow night is for watching Star Trek (2, 4, and 8), so we'll probably order in again. That'll make three nights in a row I've "eaten out." (We went to Noodles last night, which was pretty reasonable except I was one of the only people carrying cash so people actually owe me money now. And I don't keep track of it as well).

Yup... despite the fact that it's not even 11, I'm going to go to sleep now. Screw the fact that it's Friday night. I don't know... I don't want to do anything else tonight anyway. I'm beat. Mostly emotionally. I don't think I've ever had a week that was this rough emotionally. And someone is constantly doing the equivalent of pouring salt in my wounds, goshdarnit! Every. Freaking. Day. And I put up with it because I am a nice person, but I've sort of reached my limit, which is why I've like, completely withdrawn myself tonight. It's not like they're doing anything specifically to hurt me, and I doubt they even realize it at all, but there's no explaining it to them, either.

So, to change subjects rather than depress myself... I was looking at the preliminary reviews of Xenosaga 2, based on what the people in Japan that played the demo on XSFreaks thought... and it sounds so amazingly freaking awesome ohmygoodnessIcan'twaitforthisgame,freakin'a! You can switch characters mid-battle (my absolutest favouritest part of FFX), the battle system is more like Xenogears (my absolutest favouritest battle system)... and freakin JIN UZUKI, people. Do you not understand? Ohh, and they seem to have replaced the music guy (who pretty much disappointed me with Xenosaga, though I still love the Xenogears soundtrack) with some interesting people. GundamSEED, .Hack sort of people. Which, oddly enough, are the sort of people I've sort of been following in my random current music obsessions. Whaddaya know? If this game wasn't designed to make me happier about the game world, I don't know what is. Hmm... since the game's coming out in Japan in June, I bet they're going to be starting work on the English dubs, soon. I wonder how I'd go about trying to get my foot in the door on that. Hehehe, this is like my pseduo-plan to get cast as an extra in Star Wars Episode 3, but on a much smaller scale. I'm a pretty decent voice actress... I just sort of... lack any experience at all. But we can fix that... somehow. Hehehehe.

Comments

[llamaninja.livejournal.com]

i withdraw myself too. where to? i dunno. some shelf somewhere or something? i think it's just this time of year when people annoy people and no one wants anything to do with other people except their REAL friends.

[evilhippo.livejournal.com]

You have no idea how many people I had this coversation with yesterday. It was so super-weird. On on seperate independent occasions. And if nothing else is weird, talking to your college friends about just wanting to see your "real" friends and both of you understanding that completely and not being offended in the least is weird. It's so amazingly weird to have these people that you see every day, that perhaps know some things about you that your friends back home will never know accept that they're just not as close to you as other people are. It's like the insane opposite of the "you can only have one best friend and it has to be me" rules of elementary school, ya know?

Or maybe it's not weird at all, and it just seems like it to me, because my mind continues to operate on something resembling that level. (-: