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Sometimes I worry if I'm losing myself. It's so easy sometimes. I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing, what's it matter if things change a bit on the way if they were never certain in the first place? I can't quite put my finger on what's got me so off-kilter right now, but this quarter is just completely odd to me. Nothing's the same, but in a way it all is exactly as it was. And I guess that means I'm different. I think I've definitely over-committed myself, so I know I'm going to drop track in two weeks, after conference. I'll feel bad about it, and I'll get all paranoid about being out of shape and stuff. I'm sure I'll be able to find something to do, though. Even if it's just biking and running out by the lake. Ohh, it's going to be 70 this weekend. I am so happy about that.
Right now, I should really be writing a rough draft of my Hum paper, but it took me until 8 to even get through the reading. I've got too much due on Thursday. Plus I need to get my taxes done. I can't believe my mom left it for me to finish. I just haven't had the time to get it done, either. GAH! I am so overwhelmed right now I don't know what to do with myself. And on top of this, all I really want to do right now is sit down and get this evil nagging story idea out of my head. For some reason lately writing things down has seemed sort of daunting to me... I think it's just because I have these really complicated pictures in my mind of what I want to express, and I don't feel like I can do it in words. But I can't draw well enough, either (not that I haven't been trying. Let's hope for the sake of the world no one gets ahold of my notebooks). I think I've been too far removed from proper fiction writing, since what I tend to be leaning towards anymore is fantasy stuff. And it wants to be written, goshdarnit. I wonder if I do a tiny bit of it tonight, just getting down the characters and the basic plot stuff if it'll leave me alone until the weekend when I can play with it properly? Does anyone else get those silly nagging ideas that just won't leave them alone until they get written down??
Ah, and my whole social situation here is starting to bother me on a disturbingly superficial level. More and more I find myself hanging out with people I spent a lot of time the first two quarters either complaining about or being basically confused by. But I should be used to that by now, because that's always how it's turned out for me. Whatever I made fun of or something has ended up being pretty much closer to me than other things in the long run. I wonder what that means for my psyche... guess I'm just a hypocrite at heart. And it's not really a problem, but I'm having a heck of a lot more fun with these people than I was with other people before. I feel sort of bad though, because I feel like I've sort of abandoned my other friends here. Not that they're making much effort to seek me out very often. I know how things look to other people though. And I imagine it looks sort of weird all of a sudden. I'm not sure if it's because I made a resolution this quarter to be nicer to people rather than being constantly caustic or what... It is much more pleasant around here this quarter, though. Maybe it's the weather. I just have to be careful. Especially after the dream I had last night... where I was actually jealous that everyone thought the new female RA was really hot. I mean... me? Jealous of someone like that? It's really nothing that's ever happened. At least not outright. So maybe I should just keep that strange litle dream to myself. Of course, in light of what I told myself last night (Something along the lines of "Well, maybe my subconscious will sort things out in my dream tonight") makes everything a bit more... iffy. Err.. right, I am totally rambling here and that is not a good thing here because it's absolutely obvious that I'm getting at something I don't want to talk about for fear that people I'm not aware of are reading this but by skirting around it like this I'm only potentially making it worse. So I'm going to shut up right now and shift gears.
*Part-time job appointment and the like clearly writing the effect in the application document which corresponds softly concerning one, and the graduation hope straw raincoat one which are in the midst of attending in the vocational schools please apply.
---
Otis206: Jeff Gordon, I'm sure, could never get in the bird feeder
Otis206: the squirrels have been trying to do it for years and haven't figured out how to do it.. I don't know how the little one got in there
Crap... That totally didn't work. Though I did need to change my profile. And now it's like, ten after eleven and I still don't have much at all done of my paper. I'll have plenty of time to work on it tomorrow afternoon, but I really wanted to be able to send a rough draft in to my writing TA. I don't think she'd appreciate it if I sent her something tomorrow afternoon and told her to look at it in enough time for me to fix it for Thursday morning. If I make it through Thursday, I just might survive the rest of the quarter. I wonder if should skip track again tomorrow. I'm really feeling super-guilty about it, even though I have a good excuse. School is just so haaard. And I am such a whiny brat sometimes, and I really should shut up about it. It was my choice, afterall.
Right now, I should really be writing a rough draft of my Hum paper, but it took me until 8 to even get through the reading. I've got too much due on Thursday. Plus I need to get my taxes done. I can't believe my mom left it for me to finish. I just haven't had the time to get it done, either. GAH! I am so overwhelmed right now I don't know what to do with myself. And on top of this, all I really want to do right now is sit down and get this evil nagging story idea out of my head. For some reason lately writing things down has seemed sort of daunting to me... I think it's just because I have these really complicated pictures in my mind of what I want to express, and I don't feel like I can do it in words. But I can't draw well enough, either (not that I haven't been trying. Let's hope for the sake of the world no one gets ahold of my notebooks). I think I've been too far removed from proper fiction writing, since what I tend to be leaning towards anymore is fantasy stuff. And it wants to be written, goshdarnit. I wonder if I do a tiny bit of it tonight, just getting down the characters and the basic plot stuff if it'll leave me alone until the weekend when I can play with it properly? Does anyone else get those silly nagging ideas that just won't leave them alone until they get written down??
Ah, and my whole social situation here is starting to bother me on a disturbingly superficial level. More and more I find myself hanging out with people I spent a lot of time the first two quarters either complaining about or being basically confused by. But I should be used to that by now, because that's always how it's turned out for me. Whatever I made fun of or something has ended up being pretty much closer to me than other things in the long run. I wonder what that means for my psyche... guess I'm just a hypocrite at heart. And it's not really a problem, but I'm having a heck of a lot more fun with these people than I was with other people before. I feel sort of bad though, because I feel like I've sort of abandoned my other friends here. Not that they're making much effort to seek me out very often. I know how things look to other people though. And I imagine it looks sort of weird all of a sudden. I'm not sure if it's because I made a resolution this quarter to be nicer to people rather than being constantly caustic or what... It is much more pleasant around here this quarter, though. Maybe it's the weather. I just have to be careful. Especially after the dream I had last night... where I was actually jealous that everyone thought the new female RA was really hot. I mean... me? Jealous of someone like that? It's really nothing that's ever happened. At least not outright. So maybe I should just keep that strange litle dream to myself. Of course, in light of what I told myself last night (Something along the lines of "Well, maybe my subconscious will sort things out in my dream tonight") makes everything a bit more... iffy. Err.. right, I am totally rambling here and that is not a good thing here because it's absolutely obvious that I'm getting at something I don't want to talk about for fear that people I'm not aware of are reading this but by skirting around it like this I'm only potentially making it worse. So I'm going to shut up right now and shift gears.
*Part-time job appointment and the like clearly writing the effect in the application document which corresponds softly concerning one, and the graduation hope straw raincoat one which are in the midst of attending in the vocational schools please apply.
---
Otis206: Jeff Gordon, I'm sure, could never get in the bird feeder
Otis206: the squirrels have been trying to do it for years and haven't figured out how to do it.. I don't know how the little one got in there
Crap... That totally didn't work. Though I did need to change my profile. And now it's like, ten after eleven and I still don't have much at all done of my paper. I'll have plenty of time to work on it tomorrow afternoon, but I really wanted to be able to send a rough draft in to my writing TA. I don't think she'd appreciate it if I sent her something tomorrow afternoon and told her to look at it in enough time for me to fix it for Thursday morning. If I make it through Thursday, I just might survive the rest of the quarter. I wonder if should skip track again tomorrow. I'm really feeling super-guilty about it, even though I have a good excuse. School is just so haaard. And I am such a whiny brat sometimes, and I really should shut up about it. It was my choice, afterall.
