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You can get it right... you can get it wrong. Sometimes, you can get it so wrong it's right again. And in the end, it's all fun to see in the end anyway.
Or at least I'd like to think so.
(Contrived contrived contrived! So much for short-cryptic-entries!)
I really need to sort out what my total lack of motivation is here this quarter. I'm really too bored to even go to bed right now. I actually did all my reading for tomorrow before like, 7:00 too. Silliness. Really now. I don't feel like my classes are all that bad, but I just have ZERO motivation to get up and go to them. And I get the feeling part of the problem (especially Tuesdays and Thursdays) is that I know I have to get up at 8, be at class and 9, and won't be back to the dorm until 7. And this doesn't include wasting two hours in the library. It's class-class-lunch-class-track-dinner. I should really drop something. But the only class I have in a position that I could drop it that would do me any good at all would by my PhiloSFi, and that would be sad. Though, I imagine there might be a few people that want in there. And I get the vague feeling that I don't really belong, as much as I want to stay in there and read all those books. I really don't want to only take three classes this quarter, but I don't want to overwhelm and kill myself either, which is what it feels like I'm doing right now. I'm not sure... maybe it's just the weather. But there's no guarantee it's going to get any better anytime soon, either. So I either need to suck it up or find a solution. It's not even going to be out of the mid-fifties in a week. I suppose that's normal, but we're outside every day for track practice, and it's killing me. I wish I could just quit track sometimes, you know? I don't understand... it was so much better last quarter. Throughout the year it's just gotten progressively worse. We had nice hour and a half practices three days a week in the fall. Then in the winter it was every day of the week, but at least we weren't being forced to run a mile and a half as the first part of our warmup. Dear goodness. I am not made for distances! I should not be this tired on the third day of classes, there's no reason other than I was already worn down after track last quarter, and now they've gone and made it worse. I'm going to end up pneumonia or something, and I don't have any good excuse to miss practice! Ugh. I realized today part of my problem, I think (all this self-analysis stuff from me, it's gettind disgusting I know, sorry!)... one, I still don't feel like I'm ever leaving campus, so I've always got that nagging feeling of having to be somewhere. And a big part of that is buses, because I have to constantly leave here up to a half an hour before my class or practice or whatnot to make sure I can get there on time in case the bus doesn't show up or is running late or something. My school day is never over, I just run home in between things. Plus there's nothing I love to do anymore. Track is stressful, because I always end up feeling like I'm going to die. You're not supposed to feel like you're going to die in practice! Stupid outdoors... I don't have nice happy drama to go back to anymore. I don't have nice happy me-time for a bit in between things. I mean, when I had only 45 minutes at home between the end of my school day and my class at YSU, it didn't bother me in the least. Plus I had to drive from there to drama rehearsal. I was just as strapped for time in high school as I am now. So obviously the difference isn't in the schedule, it's in how I have to spend my time. Maybe I really should quit the track team. But I'd feel so, so bad about it. Because I do rather like the people, and it is nice to be a part of a team and all. But the time commitment is driving me nuts, and it just wears me down. It really isn't all that important, in the end. But I feel like I'm quitting halfway, and letting someone down. Or maybe it's an idea I'm letting down. I know, on some level, that five classes and track is just nuts, while on some other level I really want myself to be able to pull it off. I know I don't want to go down to three classes though, because three classes is just really boring. So the only option that leaves me is dropping track. Goshdarnit. Stupid circular-type logic. I had really best be getting to bed, since it's already an hour past my "bedtime." And my roomie's already gone to sleep, and I'm afraid I'm going to keep her up with my typing.
Or at least I'd like to think so.
(Contrived contrived contrived! So much for short-cryptic-entries!)
I really need to sort out what my total lack of motivation is here this quarter. I'm really too bored to even go to bed right now. I actually did all my reading for tomorrow before like, 7:00 too. Silliness. Really now. I don't feel like my classes are all that bad, but I just have ZERO motivation to get up and go to them. And I get the feeling part of the problem (especially Tuesdays and Thursdays) is that I know I have to get up at 8, be at class and 9, and won't be back to the dorm until 7. And this doesn't include wasting two hours in the library. It's class-class-lunch-class-track-dinner. I should really drop something. But the only class I have in a position that I could drop it that would do me any good at all would by my PhiloSFi, and that would be sad. Though, I imagine there might be a few people that want in there. And I get the vague feeling that I don't really belong, as much as I want to stay in there and read all those books. I really don't want to only take three classes this quarter, but I don't want to overwhelm and kill myself either, which is what it feels like I'm doing right now. I'm not sure... maybe it's just the weather. But there's no guarantee it's going to get any better anytime soon, either. So I either need to suck it up or find a solution. It's not even going to be out of the mid-fifties in a week. I suppose that's normal, but we're outside every day for track practice, and it's killing me. I wish I could just quit track sometimes, you know? I don't understand... it was so much better last quarter. Throughout the year it's just gotten progressively worse. We had nice hour and a half practices three days a week in the fall. Then in the winter it was every day of the week, but at least we weren't being forced to run a mile and a half as the first part of our warmup. Dear goodness. I am not made for distances! I should not be this tired on the third day of classes, there's no reason other than I was already worn down after track last quarter, and now they've gone and made it worse. I'm going to end up pneumonia or something, and I don't have any good excuse to miss practice! Ugh. I realized today part of my problem, I think (all this self-analysis stuff from me, it's gettind disgusting I know, sorry!)... one, I still don't feel like I'm ever leaving campus, so I've always got that nagging feeling of having to be somewhere. And a big part of that is buses, because I have to constantly leave here up to a half an hour before my class or practice or whatnot to make sure I can get there on time in case the bus doesn't show up or is running late or something. My school day is never over, I just run home in between things. Plus there's nothing I love to do anymore. Track is stressful, because I always end up feeling like I'm going to die. You're not supposed to feel like you're going to die in practice! Stupid outdoors... I don't have nice happy drama to go back to anymore. I don't have nice happy me-time for a bit in between things. I mean, when I had only 45 minutes at home between the end of my school day and my class at YSU, it didn't bother me in the least. Plus I had to drive from there to drama rehearsal. I was just as strapped for time in high school as I am now. So obviously the difference isn't in the schedule, it's in how I have to spend my time. Maybe I really should quit the track team. But I'd feel so, so bad about it. Because I do rather like the people, and it is nice to be a part of a team and all. But the time commitment is driving me nuts, and it just wears me down. It really isn't all that important, in the end. But I feel like I'm quitting halfway, and letting someone down. Or maybe it's an idea I'm letting down. I know, on some level, that five classes and track is just nuts, while on some other level I really want myself to be able to pull it off. I know I don't want to go down to three classes though, because three classes is just really boring. So the only option that leaves me is dropping track. Goshdarnit. Stupid circular-type logic. I had really best be getting to bed, since it's already an hour past my "bedtime." And my roomie's already gone to sleep, and I'm afraid I'm going to keep her up with my typing.
