Why I will never be invited to another wedding

Once upon a time, some of you may remember, I started a war with my old RA. This war began with an airplane and some limes, and ended with a photoshop war and a near-fatal beeping annoyance device. Guys, my old RA is getting married tomorrow. I thought long and hard about exacting my revenge on him at his wedding, figuring that it would be really hard to outdo that kind of revenge, since I'm not likely to have the same kind of large, friendly and familial gathering at all anytime in the near future. However, after toying with the idea of a beeping bouquet and exploding gifts and replacing the cake topper with something hearkening back to this masterpiece and even attempting to write a speech to be given at the reception that would embarrass him entirely to death, I realized that though a wedding is a perfect venue for revenge, it's also a fairly unforgivable one and I really didn't want to ruin the wedding for his soon-to-be-wife.

But still, I hope when I leave this on their gift table tomorrow, he at least checks it for traps. (The inside of the card doesn't even have Hasselhoff in it, and I mean, guys, that took effort on my part. I must like these people or something.)