... I hate the internet

Dear Internet,

I hate the internet. Tonight has gone something like this:

HIPPO arrives home. The floor creaks under her battered nerdshoes as she half carries/half drags her groceries into the kitchen.

HIPPO:
(Thinking out loud)
Hey! My internet should be on today!

HIPPO walks over to the other side of the kitchen, where her modem rests nestled in a pile of wires under the microwave. She fiddles with them, and after two failed attempts, finally tries the Inconvenient Outlet, which is next to the kitchen sink. After stringing the modem up through the cupboards, HIPPO returns to her laptop. It displays an AT&T homepage with the words "LULZ, U R SCREWED."

HIPPO:
FRAK FREAKING DARNIT.

HIPPO glows yellow, then orange, then red and finally, blue, before exploding.

And then I was on the phone with AT&T for another hour, in which was I condescended to, and led around in circles, and forgot my password several dozen times.

But I have my own internets now? (It's just... kind of slow. Which will be a problem if this continues.)