Doom doom employment doom

So... I'm pretty sure I need to apply for this job... but (and this is so thoroughly pathetic I'm embarrassed) I don't want to because I don't think I have anything decent enough to send them. So I need someone to talk me into it. It'd help if someone could come over here and force me to write the cover letter and find script excerpts, but failing that, shouting at me over the internet for being useless works, too. I know I want to send them my pirate story... but I can't find anything among my scripts to balance that out (because my scripts SUCK omg). So yeah. Someone needs to shout at me until I come up with something, otherwise I'm going to put this off until it's too late, and try to tell myself that I don't care that I didn't apply.

And my bank job starts tonight. I've got to leave in about 20 minutes. I already don't want to go, because I haven't heard from them since I went in to sign the paperwork. I don't know what days I'll be working, or where I'm supposed to go when I get to the bank or... anything, really. Sigh. I don't even know what to expect from the people I'll be working with. I have my assumptions... and I'm not really too comfortable with any of them. Stupid Chicago.