So bored!

Well, I think I'm probably back to being myself by this point. I have a headache and I'm bored. That's pretty much how my breaks work here. I'm crankier than usual, which is bad, but I think I'm going to point at the resurgence of my boredom as the reason for that. And my continuing anxiety over my as-yet-unstarted senior project. I've got characters... I've got a vague plot device. As usual, one character, who until fairly recently was probably going to be cut, has completely distracted me. But I can't tell his story, because if I focus on him, he loses all his appeal. I wish normal girls didn't annoy me. I wish I didn't feel obligated to center the story on this normal girl journalist. I hate relatable characters. But I don't know how else to carry the story. Heck, I don't even have a story, because I can't get myself to even start writing. I hate starting things. It never sounds good.

So, obviously if all I do is complain about this, I'm never going to get anything done. At all. Ever. And I'm the worst reader of things I write ever. So I resolve, tomorrow, to get up at a reasonable time and move in to the Caribou Coffee in the next town over, leech their wireless, and write five pages. Any five pages, since I hate beginnings so much. But I need an audience. One that I trust (because my writing classes have been crap for feedback). I need to know I have an audience, because at this point all I know is that the people who are going to be reading my stuff this quarter aren't going to be the sort of people that are really the audience for what I plan to write. I mean... when I started writing longer work, it was fanfic, because it's easy to find people online to read it. Even if my fanfic didn't really have a wide appeal, not being porn and all, there were still people who read it. And now I'm facing original stuff, where everything's been done five times over and everyone's jaded and no one cares to read it and everyone who's writing is writing poignant or romantic or serious stuff and I don't have that in me, I don't, because it's not the way I work. I like to tell stories. I like to make crap up, and I like to make it complicated and weird, but I haven't done it by myself in so long I'm freaking scared to death that no one's going to care, and I'm afraid that I'm going to fail miserably.

Erm... so, my rambling insecurities aside, the question I was about to ask is if any of you don't mind being on my writing filter. Let me know. Because... yeah. I need people to write for. I'd attempt to pitch the story to you but... you know, I hate summarizing things, and I don't have anything solid enough yet at all to not hate the summary. Sigh.