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In which I steal a meme from Reddit and go to bed early
I've actually had time to be bored tonight! It's awesome! I'd forgotten what bored feels like. I've read the NYT, watched the Chicago mayoral debates (Rahm really seems to have it in for limousines and private jets. Also no cursing. I am disappoint!), tried to catch up on the world... and then I puttered around Reddit for a bit and came across a question I would like to pose to all of you, because 1) bored! and 2) for some reason these kind of questions have been popping up all the time lately and I've realized that I never ask people nonsense secretly-about-life-philosophy questions.
Which (one) of these magical items would you choose, and why? (Assuming a no-trick-genie rule here, because I don't want to think about being crushed under a metric ton of moose jerky.)
1. A pot that can produce 1,000 kilograms of any food a day.
2. A bracelet that keeps weather perfect wherever you go and within a 250 kilometre radius.
3. A necklace that allows you to touch books and instantly absorb knowledge from them, without reading.
4. An unlimited bottle of perfume that will make you wildly attractive to the opposite sex (or same sex if you’re gay), which cannot be used on anyone you love.
5. A watch that allows you to reverse time by a minute or less per day.
6. A bell that when rang fixes any one object at a time, excluding living things, within a minute.
7. A chocolate bar, with twelve pieces, that makes anyone who eats a single piece invincible and youthful until the age of 160.
8. A no fuel required, maintenance free, eight person van that can take you anywhere on the planet within one second.
9. A remote control that allows you and another person to change, superficially, into anyone you want; the effect lasts until you decide to revert.
10. An immortal dog that poops out one gold coin every time it goes to the bathroom.
My immediate instinct was to go with 8. But then I thought, okay, I should actually think this out.
One would be very useful, and a lot of fun, but 1,000 kilograms of food is just... so much. If I kept it for myself I'd be wasting it, but in order to make full use of it I'd be dealing with hundreds of people a day and would either have to set up some kind of corporation around it (ugh) or deal with it all myself and neither of those options sounds good.
Two would be nice, but what's "perfect" weather, anyway? Most things rely on seasonal temperature changes so I'd either kill a lot of plant and animal life around me or the weather would be pretty much the same, probably minus global warming. Also I'd have no idea what to complain about in elevators if the weather was always nice.
Three would be great, but I'm not doing much with the knowledge I do have, so it would be more of a novelty than anything else. And I think I'd miss actually reading. (Though, of the ten, this probably comes in second.)
Four... just... do not want!
Five would be very interesting, but the one-minute limit would make it a lot less fun. I'd end up spending most days saving it up just in case I needed it for something really important.
Six is a novelty and, much like number one, would require too much frequent interaction with people to be truly useful (though the idea of being an itinerant fix-it person is pretty cool). I just cannot break enough stuff myself to use this alone.
Seven is good in theory, but 160 years is just way too long and I'm afraid I'd get bored about 100 years in, if I even made it that far. Plus the invincibility would lead to a lot of recklessness on my part and I'd probably try to become some kind of vigilante superhero out of boredom.
Nine is kind of weird. I like the idea, but over anything else on the list? No way. Great for a supervillain, though. Or a character actor.
Ten is... kind of interesting. I mean, I wouldn't have to worry about my pet dying. But do I care that it poops gold? No. Not beyond what it'd take for me to pay off my loans and go back to school. So definitely not one of my top choices.
So that leaves me with number eight. And I'm sure in a few years' time my answer would be different, but right now the idea of instantaneous travel sounds perfect. Sure, parking would be a nightmare, and I'd be besieged by those who would use it for evil (and those that would use it for corporate travel in lieu of the private jets and limousines Rahm wants to tax out), but I could come home from a long day at work, make a cup of tea, and pop off to a cave in Vietnam or something until bedtime (okay, I am a little obsessed with that cave. I don't think I'd have to worry about finding a place to park in there, though). There would also be the issue of securing it so it wouldn't be stolen, but who wants an 8-person van? It'd hardly look like a prime target (unless people saw me using it... but I could be crafty. Maybe disguise it as a police box?). With a bit of retrofitting and planning I could grab a couple of friends (from anywhere!) and we could spend a weekend checking out the ocean floor. It'd be awesome. And I'm pretty sure I wouldn't run out of stuff to see, though there would probably come a point that I'd have to loan it out to someone I trusted while I took some time just to stay put. It'd also be great if I decided to take up a life of crime, and passable for the vigilante route as well. Or, if I ever felt like starting a business that could deliver a pizza anywhere in the world I'd be set.
Which (one) of these magical items would you choose, and why? (Assuming a no-trick-genie rule here, because I don't want to think about being crushed under a metric ton of moose jerky.)
1. A pot that can produce 1,000 kilograms of any food a day.
2. A bracelet that keeps weather perfect wherever you go and within a 250 kilometre radius.
3. A necklace that allows you to touch books and instantly absorb knowledge from them, without reading.
4. An unlimited bottle of perfume that will make you wildly attractive to the opposite sex (or same sex if you’re gay), which cannot be used on anyone you love.
5. A watch that allows you to reverse time by a minute or less per day.
6. A bell that when rang fixes any one object at a time, excluding living things, within a minute.
7. A chocolate bar, with twelve pieces, that makes anyone who eats a single piece invincible and youthful until the age of 160.
8. A no fuel required, maintenance free, eight person van that can take you anywhere on the planet within one second.
9. A remote control that allows you and another person to change, superficially, into anyone you want; the effect lasts until you decide to revert.
10. An immortal dog that poops out one gold coin every time it goes to the bathroom.
My immediate instinct was to go with 8. But then I thought, okay, I should actually think this out.
One would be very useful, and a lot of fun, but 1,000 kilograms of food is just... so much. If I kept it for myself I'd be wasting it, but in order to make full use of it I'd be dealing with hundreds of people a day and would either have to set up some kind of corporation around it (ugh) or deal with it all myself and neither of those options sounds good.
Two would be nice, but what's "perfect" weather, anyway? Most things rely on seasonal temperature changes so I'd either kill a lot of plant and animal life around me or the weather would be pretty much the same, probably minus global warming. Also I'd have no idea what to complain about in elevators if the weather was always nice.
Three would be great, but I'm not doing much with the knowledge I do have, so it would be more of a novelty than anything else. And I think I'd miss actually reading. (Though, of the ten, this probably comes in second.)
Four... just... do not want!
Five would be very interesting, but the one-minute limit would make it a lot less fun. I'd end up spending most days saving it up just in case I needed it for something really important.
Six is a novelty and, much like number one, would require too much frequent interaction with people to be truly useful (though the idea of being an itinerant fix-it person is pretty cool). I just cannot break enough stuff myself to use this alone.
Seven is good in theory, but 160 years is just way too long and I'm afraid I'd get bored about 100 years in, if I even made it that far. Plus the invincibility would lead to a lot of recklessness on my part and I'd probably try to become some kind of vigilante superhero out of boredom.
Nine is kind of weird. I like the idea, but over anything else on the list? No way. Great for a supervillain, though. Or a character actor.
Ten is... kind of interesting. I mean, I wouldn't have to worry about my pet dying. But do I care that it poops gold? No. Not beyond what it'd take for me to pay off my loans and go back to school. So definitely not one of my top choices.
So that leaves me with number eight. And I'm sure in a few years' time my answer would be different, but right now the idea of instantaneous travel sounds perfect. Sure, parking would be a nightmare, and I'd be besieged by those who would use it for evil (and those that would use it for corporate travel in lieu of the private jets and limousines Rahm wants to tax out), but I could come home from a long day at work, make a cup of tea, and pop off to a cave in Vietnam or something until bedtime (okay, I am a little obsessed with that cave. I don't think I'd have to worry about finding a place to park in there, though). There would also be the issue of securing it so it wouldn't be stolen, but who wants an 8-person van? It'd hardly look like a prime target (unless people saw me using it... but I could be crafty. Maybe disguise it as a police box?). With a bit of retrofitting and planning I could grab a couple of friends (from anywhere!) and we could spend a weekend checking out the ocean floor. It'd be awesome. And I'm pretty sure I wouldn't run out of stuff to see, though there would probably come a point that I'd have to loan it out to someone I trusted while I took some time just to stay put. It'd also be great if I decided to take up a life of crime, and passable for the vigilante route as well. Or, if I ever felt like starting a business that could deliver a pizza anywhere in the world I'd be set.
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The travel van was an extremely close second. BUT, if you're willing to let me ride shotgun, that quite neatly solves that problem, doesn't it? :D
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Would I share? Hmm... To barter my way onto the magic van? Yes, I believe I could do that!
SHOTGUN! (I called it! :P)